I am a real big jerk

Haiz.... I feel like a real big jerk.


You know I was very angry at YL for abandoning me to travel alone to Prague and Vienna at the last minute. This time she withdrew and I'll be going Shanghai alone. But this time I'm totally fine with her decision. Even though it's still sudden and last minute but I can understand her financial worries, plus I'm still in Singapore so telling me this decision is absolutely okay for me.

I thought she was really mean to abandon me in Berlin. Because I was in Berlin, all alone and helpless. And I thought to myself then that I am not a mean person so I don't deserve this.

But now I know why.

I am a jerk to my 2 friends, whom I have promised to live with them together in Shanghai.

Then YL backed out so I'm left with the 2 friends who are a couple.

So I feel even weirder to live with them, since they are already very hanky panky. And cause I'm going earlier so I want my lodging to be settled before going over. And now there's this guy who's attached to the same company, found a flat and asked if I want to join.

The flat is new, big, clean, convenient (near to the shuttle bus service provided by my company) and everything nice.

So yeah I abandoned my friends and joined him.

I think I'm a jerk right. Hell yeah I don't denial that I'm a jerk! So don't try to console me. I feel so terribly guilty now!

P.S. Because of the intense guilt, I told YL about it and she just made me feel even worse. Oh well, pot calling the kettle black.